no new year resolutions - predictions for 2021 and beyond

No New Year Resolutions - predictions for 2021 and beyond.

Over on social media I made a series of predictions for 2021 and beyond across several posts. But now you can read them all in one handy post, and more easily follow the narrative, such as it is.

2 January: a thick fog settles over the UK where it will remain for 7 months.

9 February: Scientists confirm the fog appears to engender rot in woody plants and root vegetables, and to encourage vigorous growth of moss on all surfaces, indoors and out.

17 February: Time goes wonky. People leaving their houses find that when they get to their destination they're in a different year. Mostly June 1982.

23 February: Space goes wonky. Walks to the corner shop extend to 13 or more km, the daily commute to another city reduces to 500 metres.

12 March: York spontaneously catches fire, but damage is limited when moss damps the flames.

3 April: After weeks of rumours the government confirm Portsmouth is missing.

4 April: Spring-Heel Jack scares several people between Cardiff and Newport. 2 are slashed with a razor.

12 April: Some of the fog shrouding the country seems to come from a new super-moss, which also seems to be corrosive to metal.

26 April: Blackouts and temporary internet outages strike. On return some websites are in an almost nonsensical Chinese.

30 April: The new super-moss discovered to be much denser and heavier than normal moss.

7 May: A new Cod War breaks out. British, Icelandic and EU boats harass each other.

10 May: All sounds are muffled for 17 days.

15 May: Super-moss is found to have strange, slender, disorganised, bone-like structures inside.

17 May: Further appearances of Spring-Heel Jack in Swansea and Sunderland. 1 victim dies. Witnesses say the figure is a woman. She is renamed Spring-Heel Jill.

23 May: A new strain of Covid-19 identified. Some victims cease speaking and only utter unearthly wails.

28 May: During the last few days of muffled sound a quiet electric hum and crackle starts up, and remains as an intermittent presence.

1 June: The Queen addresses the nation live, but can barely speak. She coughs up several dead leaves. After the camera cuts she dissolves into a heap of leaves.

20 June: More attacks by Spring-Heel Jill around the country resulting in 3 deaths.

24 June: with websites continuing to appear in Chinese it's identified as a pidgin of Mandarin and Spanish with a few English loanwords.

2 July: As attacks escalate in frequency and seriousness Spring-Heel Jill is re-dubbed The Leaping Razor in the press, and public discourse.

8 July: The government announces work has begun to detach the landmass and create a giant buccaneering island-ship to travel the world, trading.

13 July: Reports of Sea-People raiding coastal towns.

22 July: In the Cod War British ships are outmanoeuvred by smaller wooden longships. The crews are believed to be unrelated to the Sea People.

29 July: The fog ends. For now.

1 August: Nigel Farage affected by what's become known as Wailing Covid.

24 August: Rumours spread that The Leaping Razor is the revenant of Margaret Thatcher. Later confirmed.

14 September: Slow moving, dense, localised fog in many cities. People report shapes moving in the fog.

10 October: A sailor washes ashore near Hartlepool speaking what appears to be a degraded form of English.

31 October: Several more wealthy landowners dissolve into dead leaves. Some believe it to be ascension to a better realm.

16 November: The dense, localised fogs increase. The shapes within are large, hunched humanoids with indistinct outlines and large heads.

23 December: A residential tower block in Birmingham collapses due to the weight and corrosion of super-moss. All towers over 10 storeys are permanently shrouded in fog.

1 January: Hanseatic League merchants, apparently here for centuries unnoticed, are expelled from the country.

11 March: Undermined by botched efforts to detach the island most of the Pembrokeshire Coast National Park sinks by up to 10 metres.

22 March: The final recorded raid by Sea People.

24 April: The sailor washed up near Hartlepool claims, through a translator, to have tried to escape England by sea in the year 3349.

3 June: People start referring to the creatures in the localised fog as The Borda after the Italian mythological creature.

6 June: People wake up to a smell of smoke and to find it's 6 September 1666. For the next 21 weeks it's the same date, until eventually 7 June 2022 arrives.

16 June: Cod War patrol boats report an immense ship or unknown island.

19 July: More residential tower blocks collapse under super-moss. In the weeks and months following many of the country's remaining towers are abandoned.

11 August: Rumours abound about The Borda: they grow from super-moss; they are protective against The Leaping Razor; they are capricious ancient gods.

3 October: Missing for 18 months, Portsmouth reappears. Few notice and fewer care.

7 December: Rains of fire occur across large parts of Norfolk.

31 December-1 January 2023: People in Kent see in the new year by burning French lorry drivers imprisoned since 2021 in a giant wicker pug.

1 March: The immense ship or island is confirmed to be the main island of Taiwan. Unlike the UK they've successfully created a hybrid island/ship to trade peripatetically.

March-May: Contact with other fishing boats and longships declines and ends, and with it all physical contact with the outside world.

25 May: Perpetual late autumn settles on the land. Crops start to fail. The most successful crop and soon predominant food is mushrooms.

12 June: Internet and phone contact with the rest of the world is lost.

4 September: Fog returns to the whole country. The Borda fill cities, especially collapsed tower blocks.

31 December: Magic mushrooms are legalised. In some workplaces and further or higher education settings they're mandatory.

New religions spread rapidly. 'Falls' centres around wealth and land ownership. Adherents tattoo leaves on themselves. The largest religion though is 'The Fog and The Moss' which sees The Borda as gods and The Leaping Razor as the devil.

9 January: The seas turn black and viscous.

Spring: Most people now sleep 10 hours a day or more. Their dreams begin to shape their reality. The UK fractures temporally and physically into contradictory, overlapping realities. Supernatural forms, sounds, and shadows lurk in corners. Day is indistinguishable from night, the sky is rarely seen, and high winds tear at the coast.


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