waiting to see who i am

Of course I won't be back this way. Maybe someone who looks like me. Decided to see if I could walk over the pedestrian footbridge that scared me for years. And maybe there's no identity. Turn to the present turn to the past turn away again. Borrow myself from other people. Architectural shadows ceiling of the knave. Lights and sunlight. Turn to the present. Make my head quiet. I made it across. The things I was scared of in myself were just not there anymore. Long Lankin. Gratuitousness. Updated. Tam Lin fell asleep under the hotel slipped into the glass mirror world. Maybe were never there. Only recently realised other people see me have perceptions of what I am. Their own stories. Listened to John Wesley Harding and I had no memories of it. This is why I like novelty. Change. No memories nostalgia sadness. You won't see me again. Struggling to speak through a ghost. Come looking for me. Put people on pedestals conflated them updated them thought I hated them but just myself slowed in the sand and slowed I was sad and the people that hurt the people I love I'll drop down a well and forget. Try not to project no more. Just not as good as I thought I was. The more eternal it feels the less time there is. Watching snow fall. Gap of summer sky where a tree used to be. I dreamed I saw my father once / Alive as you or me / Standing at a station / About to go away / His glasses and his jacket were / Like I remember them / And then he left before I could / Persuade him he should stay // And all he said was one "Goodbye," / In a quiet voice and strong / And no matter how much I tried / I could not reach or touch / But only stand and watch him go / And know he won't be back / I tried to hold my memories / But only saw his hands // I dreamed I saw my father once / Alive with gentle eyes / I dreamed I couldn't make him stay / As he got on the train / Oh, I awoke in anger / So alone and terrified / That I'd forgotten he was dead / And bowed my head and cried. Wren twitches and hops and flies into hedge. I like to run for no purpose than pleasure. Clay masks. I sleep well now.