alternatives... 1
The thinking behind alternatives is that some of us are sick of pop-culture what if's, and the pretence that certain bands and artists would have continued making great work if they hadn't died/split-up/taken so much smack they haven't been able to fasten their shoes for thirty years.
Sixties nostalgists are especial offenders, but by no means the only ones. In honour of them, and of those misogynists who believe that Yoko Ono caused The Beatles to split up (with very little concept of her as an artist in her own right), here's part of an alternative future for The Beatles. They stayed together, survived through the seventies, and continued into the eighties...
"...their 1982 album Jiggle-Oh! was a particularly excruciating nadir. From the vividly hand-touched black and white photo of the band looking dazed in an alleyway that's more Sesame Street than Mean Streets, to the acutely embarrasing 'rap' essayed by Lennon on Without Sin ('You'll cast the first stone/Because you're well known/Don't want to be alone/When the colours are shown'), it is an indelibly awful record.
Among many contenders, the worst track is probably Paul McCartney's 'Soulullaby' Indian Summer. Guitar, bass and drums are exchanged for synthesiser, tenor sax, and handclaps in a syncopated, cod-reggae abomination that ends in 'spontaneous' laughter. The song's refrain, 'Washed by the fingers of time', is somehow even more horrible on record than it is on paper..."
More soon.
.
Sixties nostalgists are especial offenders, but by no means the only ones. In honour of them, and of those misogynists who believe that Yoko Ono caused The Beatles to split up (with very little concept of her as an artist in her own right), here's part of an alternative future for The Beatles. They stayed together, survived through the seventies, and continued into the eighties...
"...their 1982 album Jiggle-Oh! was a particularly excruciating nadir. From the vividly hand-touched black and white photo of the band looking dazed in an alleyway that's more Sesame Street than Mean Streets, to the acutely embarrasing 'rap' essayed by Lennon on Without Sin ('You'll cast the first stone/Because you're well known/Don't want to be alone/When the colours are shown'), it is an indelibly awful record.
Among many contenders, the worst track is probably Paul McCartney's 'Soulullaby' Indian Summer. Guitar, bass and drums are exchanged for synthesiser, tenor sax, and handclaps in a syncopated, cod-reggae abomination that ends in 'spontaneous' laughter. The song's refrain, 'Washed by the fingers of time', is somehow even more horrible on record than it is on paper..."
More soon.
.
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