the kindness

i was trying to eat
i was trying it out
it made me feel ill
too sweet
i spat out the lumps.
we were architecture
overlooked, partition walls
battens. sometimes elaborate.
bones bent in coral shapes
ribs growing through the skin
and curling back
hurt to move.
a door opened under me
i called you by name.
and i fell.
maybe i can make myself
beautiful impervious
let noone know.
say it's nothing for them.
woke up in hospital
veins collapsed and hard.
eating balls of dust and hair.
want to scar over
every hole
vanish behind myself.
then someone took my hand
and said 'isn't it time
you stopped tearing your shoulders?'