last known photograph

I think I might be at risk of getting unwell again, but I'll try stay on top. In the meantime here's a new poem - let me know if you think it could usefully be edited.


Last known photograph

Hate coming home and noone there
waking up and noone there
I'm heading out for work, think
I want to be crawl on the floor someone
lick my arms close human
animal contact. Not even half
alive like this senses flickering
suddenly headphone earpiece something
flew in my ear till I touch it realise.

How can I so consistently fail
to meet my own standards without payback?

Thought of early death falling
from height consumed by fire and the special
fear of drowning. Now imagine
being struck by a car fascinating not
the landing the pain afterward laid
in hospital but the moment of impact a beautiful
shape bounced off the bonnet and flying
forward momentum. Already broken
and exhilaration like to see myself as it happens.

Don't mean to lash out passive. Miss you
so much such a physical way I'm sorry.

Call everyone though I'm scared to speak
never know what to say how I'll be met.
Want to hide in sight haunt the streets
eat gray chicken left out in the rain
start to smell of fallen leaves
fade away to even myself
the point I become snatched newspaper
photos autopsy speculation.

mattdalby
10aug5


15/8/05 On advice of a friend removed final line - it was there mainly for symmetry of the verse pattern, but as she pointed out, it's not really necessary given what precedes it. If you're interested the removed line was "Headaches tired and vomiting tense. ", so not a huge loss.