low sun rewrite - from manchester
Although the sequence of manchester has been handed in for the MA it wasn't wholly complete. low sun previously published here was incomplete and unsatisfactory and a final long poem has still not been started.
Below is an almost completely new version of low sun. It still requires some edits, in particular the linebreaks are likely to be revised. However this is close to a final version and it means the whole sequence is close to completion.
low sun
these books
concerns and outcomes recorded
eating tar melted from the road by the sun
soft boxes from thick rain
turn down crack offered by small group in underpass
old overhead photo of pomona strand
one about natural structures
apply positive pressures to the flue stack
sharp stones
wet road and glass frontage mutually reflect
muslim community outreach group
flooding among trees close to fence
paul klee
many thanks
waves in and back from confined cave semi submerged
paramedics treat driver in car while police redirect traffic
unable to go back down slope short climb on rocks
wires wrapped round piece of wood used to pull them from under traffic light
mythology on mainly historical non monotheistic beliefs
key to holidays
cumberland sausage
written instructions in margin
men in car trying to offload cannabis resin
steps overgrown too dense to climb
distorted faces
general manufacturing engineering
pulled out of a stream
asked for passport as identification to register with gp surgery
you have very clean hands
short drop down from edge of docks to strand of mud
penguins voices anthologies
green tea
rowed water like roads
bought eight figs
slept in short bursts during the day by albert park
fences broken down
horse skins and horse skulls
our union
lost more than thirty kilometres forest
pass joggers cyclists people fishing
cruised in the park no idea till he pulled his cock out
manhole cover smashed in
from giotto to cezanne
softens and relieves
bridgend
written list in notebook of what sounds recorded to save work later
korean christian group would like to share passover
graffiti on large dressed stones laid to block vehicle access
wooden buildings
unlike some other juices
london
pages of porn magazine on pavement
threatens he has a knife in his pants
burned shopping trolley in pool of water
recipes stained and damaged spines
here are some of the items
eight nine hours
canal appears frozen still
three wearing hats look cold
tyres half covered in soil and grass
shells
effective and pleasant to use
walk to castle along the coast
flame war in comments over review
trestle tables photocopied literature photos on the walls
heap of gravel
rebound marbled end papers
does not contain solvents
skipton
soft toys flowers cards outside private hospital
shock every time foot slips
plastic casing stripped off cables
pen drawings
for all types of correction
canals
given plastic container for urine sample
driven to cashpoint
road runs out
the pictures interested
please do not remove your unique tracking number
cold tent
man in suit with golf umbrella too large to fit through space under pedestrian bridge
you don't look like a vegetarian
slivers of rust
clay masks
volume control
appletreewick
project of reification
would have liked to move back to wales
man climbs down ladder into water of ship canal
lang fairy tales
in this bin you can recycle paper including
stream emerging from side of hill in a field
created in multiple sites
approached looking at the river
filming under tram line
el greco
providing or replying to requests for advice
watching a combine harvester
carnal
played an unfamiliar varient of go
uneven ground
a dickens about pirates
during my visit to the above premises
a campsite in grizedale
negotiation between elements
threw bottle that missed
road blocked each end
Below is an almost completely new version of low sun. It still requires some edits, in particular the linebreaks are likely to be revised. However this is close to a final version and it means the whole sequence is close to completion.
low sun
these books
concerns and outcomes recorded
eating tar melted from the road by the sun
soft boxes from thick rain
turn down crack offered by small group in underpass
old overhead photo of pomona strand
one about natural structures
apply positive pressures to the flue stack
sharp stones
wet road and glass frontage mutually reflect
muslim community outreach group
flooding among trees close to fence
paul klee
many thanks
waves in and back from confined cave semi submerged
paramedics treat driver in car while police redirect traffic
unable to go back down slope short climb on rocks
wires wrapped round piece of wood used to pull them from under traffic light
mythology on mainly historical non monotheistic beliefs
key to holidays
cumberland sausage
written instructions in margin
men in car trying to offload cannabis resin
steps overgrown too dense to climb
distorted faces
general manufacturing engineering
pulled out of a stream
asked for passport as identification to register with gp surgery
you have very clean hands
short drop down from edge of docks to strand of mud
penguins voices anthologies
green tea
rowed water like roads
bought eight figs
slept in short bursts during the day by albert park
fences broken down
horse skins and horse skulls
our union
lost more than thirty kilometres forest
pass joggers cyclists people fishing
cruised in the park no idea till he pulled his cock out
manhole cover smashed in
from giotto to cezanne
softens and relieves
bridgend
written list in notebook of what sounds recorded to save work later
korean christian group would like to share passover
graffiti on large dressed stones laid to block vehicle access
wooden buildings
unlike some other juices
london
pages of porn magazine on pavement
threatens he has a knife in his pants
burned shopping trolley in pool of water
recipes stained and damaged spines
here are some of the items
eight nine hours
canal appears frozen still
three wearing hats look cold
tyres half covered in soil and grass
shells
effective and pleasant to use
walk to castle along the coast
flame war in comments over review
trestle tables photocopied literature photos on the walls
heap of gravel
rebound marbled end papers
does not contain solvents
skipton
soft toys flowers cards outside private hospital
shock every time foot slips
plastic casing stripped off cables
pen drawings
for all types of correction
canals
given plastic container for urine sample
driven to cashpoint
road runs out
the pictures interested
please do not remove your unique tracking number
cold tent
man in suit with golf umbrella too large to fit through space under pedestrian bridge
you don't look like a vegetarian
slivers of rust
clay masks
volume control
appletreewick
project of reification
would have liked to move back to wales
man climbs down ladder into water of ship canal
lang fairy tales
in this bin you can recycle paper including
stream emerging from side of hill in a field
created in multiple sites
approached looking at the river
filming under tram line
el greco
providing or replying to requests for advice
watching a combine harvester
carnal
played an unfamiliar varient of go
uneven ground
a dickens about pirates
during my visit to the above premises
a campsite in grizedale
negotiation between elements
threw bottle that missed
road blocked each end
Comments
I'd like to read the entire sequence sometime if you decide to make it available once finished.
Paradoxically, the voice here sounds just like you.
low sun is beginning to move in the right direction. The last poem in the sequence should push a little further. Once that's complete I'll have more time to experiment with text poetry.
I intend to submit pieces from manchester to various poetry magazines although I haven't yet thought where. It would also be nice to see the whole sequence together. Although I'm already convinced I can do a lot better.