four, five, and six

I liked the colour red and biting soft things and sucking my thumb I remember once thinking it was on fire I couldn't wait to be six but before that I used to come downstairs for a glass of water most nights and once the next day it felt like I was still asleep and the rest of my life was a dream when I was six I wanted to be richandfamous I wasn't as clever yet as I was going to be that was when I was eleven I kicked a glass pane of a door in with bare feet but didn't cut myself as badly as driving my tricycle into the pebbledash I'd lived in so many places it was special adventures were fun sometimes they were in books or in the yard with friends or it was real like changing the garage sign to closed a lot of summer days but a few rainy ones too and a lot with snow I liked things that I liked and I knew who I was and if I got dizzy I'd just repeat my name and address several times quietly and the world got back in shape sometimes I was afraid and that was rushing and I couldn't say what it was I wanted to be like my parents but I was afraid of loud noises and death and the dark and heights and things that seemed not right but I liked the colour red and listening to the radio and cooking with my mother and especially bread