how poems (sometimes) happen
Still unfinished, but here's an insight into how poems are sometimes put together. That's without all the shopping lists and memos and that get thrown in. One thing to note, words in square brackets [like this] are alternatives that were crossed out and replaced by whatever follows.
* * *
The original idea
5/12/7
So, I think slow motion poem ((the?) still frame?) was meant to be Liz + her lover, who I don't believe featured elsewhere - I'll have to check the notes later. The photo poem - Friday Saturday (?) should probably be her voice. It is way off topic, which may need discussing with Jon.
But part of it is that it's opened the sequence right up again + the characters + situations could come flooding back in - but don't really want to close down the narrative by some circular return to the start point, or by linking up all the threads into some neat resolution.
1st attempt
complexity of people threadin CRAP
I can't [find] [keep] make a map. I couldn't draw up a map
2nd attempt
I know it well but it's too vague to draw a map.
- Something from or about the photographer/lover
3rd attempt - 1st draft
She felt like geology. Everyone thought she was always the same. But since she woke with fire + pressure, + pictures bursting out of her mouth she could feel the cooling and tightening, and now the weather wearing holes in her face and her back. I'm glad that you're happy + i like your new lover, but [it's like] to see you happy without me is like a punch. // 7/127 and if u ask her she'll say 'I used to be older when I was 7' 'I was smarter when I was 12. More ppl lkd me when I ws bad. I was angrier " 20 than my life gave me any right to be'
__________
3rd attempt - 2nd draft
She['s] [was] is geology. [Her friends [in] believe she doesn't] She doesn't change. But [since] she woke five years ago with fire + pressure + pictures bursting out of her mouth [my] like gas [the] [And] Now there's cooling and tightening, the weather wearing holes in her face + back.
I was older when I was 7
[She's limestone, rippled and hollow] In Ireland one hot day they sat on the verge pulling tar from the bubbles + rolling it into balls. [In the evening walked back] Liz's hands smelled nice that evening and they slept without covers.
I was smarter when I was 12
She doesn't recognise anything in her house. It reminds her of when she was little and her parents took her to castles and she'd echo through the rooms quietly
I was angrier at 20 than my life gave me any right to be.
[She] Last May
3rd attempt - 3rd draft
8/12/7 She is geology. She doesn't change. But she woke five years ago with fire + pressure + pictures bursting out of her mouth like gas. Now there's cooling and tightening, the weather wearing holes in her face + back.
At 7 I was [a genius] ancient.
At 12 I was a genius.
At 20 I was angrier than my life gave me any right to be.
People like me best when I'm bad
In Ireland one hot day they sat on the verge pulling tar from the bubbles + rolling it into balls. Liz's hands smelled nice that evening and they slept without covers.
We were [cutting blades] razors magnified to bluntness springing skin tension
We were incandescent wood
She doesn't recognise anything in her house. It reminds her of when she was little and her parents took her to castles and she'd echo through the rooms quietly.
"...through the rooms quietly."
[Liz used to be here.] [Everything's sh] The mirrors [are empty] show nothing [and smell] [The corners of the rooms curl like posters.] She wants to sleep through the next two years. [Before this she knew what to do] She used to have things to do.
"She used to have things to do..." // 9/12/7 [It felt like cooled] [The crust broke under] Her skin split from lava underneath she surged and divided. [She wanted [them] to melt [together] run togther with Liz. [From] [Two stones] [Melted] Her stone liquified in Liz's stone, and lost. But they cooled [separately] at different rates she was rejected piece by piece
TOO SENTIMENTAL - MAY BE ABLE TO RECOVER SECTION "She doesn't recognise... quietly" Want more energy/disorder/confusion/
4th attempt - 1st draft
She doesn't recognise anything in her house. She has no reflection.
4th attempt - 2nd draft
10/12/7 She didn't recognise anything in the house. She had no reflection.
4th attempt - 3rd draft
11/12/7 The shipping container site office across the fence was blue. No work there in four months. Just heaps of soil + stones, half-finished groundwork.
4th attempt - 4th draft
She didn't recognise anything in the house. She had no reflection. The shipping container site office across the fence was blue. She saw no work there in four months, Half-started groundwork, heaps of soil + stones.
[she could track her moods by the lists of jobs she wrote. if the same jobs were down for days in a row she was - NOT HERE]
12/12/7 [[When] [Her smile felt] [Her smile - tight] A smell for days. [smile] she found the mouse [and maggots] behind the sink. Walked out all night. [Salford, Trafford Park, Chorlton, Fallowfield] She took [down all] everything off the walls [to see if she]]
13/12/7 Tins of tuna multiplied, gathered in corners she didn't clean, in the yard. They rusted, spilled viscous tar-like brine and meat fibres that dried + stuck to the ground. Where they seeped under the gate or carried out on her shoe dogs licked the pavement.
* * *
Hopefully, the final version will be finished soon and I'll be able to post it sometime in the new year.
* * *
The original idea
5/12/7
So, I think slow motion poem ((the?) still frame?) was meant to be Liz + her lover, who I don't believe featured elsewhere - I'll have to check the notes later. The photo poem - Friday Saturday (?) should probably be her voice. It is way off topic, which may need discussing with Jon.
But part of it is that it's opened the sequence right up again + the characters + situations could come flooding back in - but don't really want to close down the narrative by some circular return to the start point, or by linking up all the threads into some neat resolution.
1st attempt
complexity of people threadin CRAP
I can't [find] [keep] make a map. I couldn't draw up a map
2nd attempt
I know it well but it's too vague to draw a map.
- Something from or about the photographer/lover
3rd attempt - 1st draft
She felt like geology. Everyone thought she was always the same. But since she woke with fire + pressure, + pictures bursting out of her mouth she could feel the cooling and tightening, and now the weather wearing holes in her face and her back. I'm glad that you're happy + i like your new lover, but [it's like] to see you happy without me is like a punch. // 7/127 and if u ask her she'll say 'I used to be older when I was 7' 'I was smarter when I was 12. More ppl lkd me when I ws bad. I was angrier " 20 than my life gave me any right to be'
__________
3rd attempt - 2nd draft
She['s] [was] is geology. [Her friends [in] believe she doesn't] She doesn't change. But [since] she woke five years ago with fire + pressure + pictures bursting out of her mouth [my] like gas [the] [And] Now there's cooling and tightening, the weather wearing holes in her face + back.
I was older when I was 7
[She's limestone, rippled and hollow] In Ireland one hot day they sat on the verge pulling tar from the bubbles + rolling it into balls. [In the evening walked back] Liz's hands smelled nice that evening and they slept without covers.
I was smarter when I was 12
She doesn't recognise anything in her house. It reminds her of when she was little and her parents took her to castles and she'd echo through the rooms quietly
I was angrier at 20 than my life gave me any right to be.
[She] Last May
3rd attempt - 3rd draft
8/12/7 She is geology. She doesn't change. But she woke five years ago with fire + pressure + pictures bursting out of her mouth like gas. Now there's cooling and tightening, the weather wearing holes in her face + back.
At 7 I was [a genius] ancient.
At 12 I was a genius.
At 20 I was angrier than my life gave me any right to be.
People like me best when I'm bad
In Ireland one hot day they sat on the verge pulling tar from the bubbles + rolling it into balls. Liz's hands smelled nice that evening and they slept without covers.
We were [cutting blades] razors magnified to bluntness springing skin tension
We were incandescent wood
She doesn't recognise anything in her house. It reminds her of when she was little and her parents took her to castles and she'd echo through the rooms quietly.
"...through the rooms quietly."
[Liz used to be here.] [Everything's sh] The mirrors [are empty] show nothing [and smell] [The corners of the rooms curl like posters.] She wants to sleep through the next two years. [Before this she knew what to do] She used to have things to do.
"She used to have things to do..." // 9/12/7 [It felt like cooled] [The crust broke under] Her skin split from lava underneath she surged and divided. [She wanted [them] to melt [together] run togther with Liz. [From] [Two stones] [Melted] Her stone liquified in Liz's stone, and lost. But they cooled [separately] at different rates she was rejected piece by piece
TOO SENTIMENTAL - MAY BE ABLE TO RECOVER SECTION "She doesn't recognise... quietly" Want more energy/disorder/confusion/
4th attempt - 1st draft
She doesn't recognise anything in her house. She has no reflection.
4th attempt - 2nd draft
10/12/7 She didn't recognise anything in the house. She had no reflection.
4th attempt - 3rd draft
11/12/7 The shipping container site office across the fence was blue. No work there in four months. Just heaps of soil + stones, half-finished groundwork.
4th attempt - 4th draft
She didn't recognise anything in the house. She had no reflection. The shipping container site office across the fence was blue. She saw no work there in four months, Half-started groundwork, heaps of soil + stones.
[she could track her moods by the lists of jobs she wrote. if the same jobs were down for days in a row she was - NOT HERE]
12/12/7 [[When] [Her smile felt] [Her smile - tight] A smell for days. [smile] she found the mouse [and maggots] behind the sink. Walked out all night. [Salford, Trafford Park, Chorlton, Fallowfield] She took [down all] everything off the walls [to see if she]]
13/12/7 Tins of tuna multiplied, gathered in corners she didn't clean, in the yard. They rusted, spilled viscous tar-like brine and meat fibres that dried + stuck to the ground. Where they seeped under the gate or carried out on her shoe dogs licked the pavement.
* * *
Hopefully, the final version will be finished soon and I'll be able to post it sometime in the new year.
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