football sucks
So here it is, as promised, the footballers rant. In many ways much the same as what I had to say about 50 Pint and his friends, just more honed and hopefully funnier.
Man, soccer players, what a dark subject. Well, sports people in general, these freakish physically overdeveloped simpletons with more money, attention and credibility than anyone deserves. You could be Jesus and you wouldn't deserve the column inches David Beckham gets. The only idiot to get more attention than even sports people do is George Bush, and he's offering the world out for a fight,
"C'mon you fuckers, laugh at me wouldya, I got God on my side."
Wouldn't it be scary if he was right? If there was a god, and it was on Dubya's side.
"That's right, I'm with stupid. Don't you mock my messenger, ever hear of the holy fool? That's him. Fuck with me and I'll get democratic on your ass."
Some macho Republican god, maybe looking like Jeb Bush. I'd be on the first space shuttle out,
"This ain't right."
Anyway like I say, sports people, soccer players given this inordinate amount of respect, there's something wrong there. Treated as role-models? when did we start taking morons as our benchmark for living? They're imbeciles, they've got the morals of a dog, you might as well take a pigeon for your role-model.
"Hey, I'm gonna fuck and shit right on the pavement... the pigeon said we can."
Wait a minute, that already happens on the weekend. But you know, even worse than that, they get away with all kinds of criminal behaviour. There's the stuff we all do at some time - drunk and disorderly, drug use. Then there's the real nasty stuff only psychos and perverts do, like raping teens.
So there's these three footballers, and they're in a hotel room somewhere, out of their skulls on drink and drugs roasting a drunk teen. And it is rape, she might have said yes, but in those circumstances?...
Now I'm nearly six foot, I look after myself, I'm pretty strong, but I'm not a professional athlete. If I had three aggressive sports people outta their skulls on coke and testosterone in my bed I think I'd be like,
"Sure, what hole do you want to put it in? ... That's going to hurt... but sure, whatever you want. Mm, tastes good."
So anyway, they're banging away. One at each end, the third knelt by the side jacking off and filming it with his mobile phone. They're mid stroke, when suddenly one of them realises he's getting off as much on watching the cocks slam in and out as he is off the girl. And by some power of telepathy the thought transmits to his companions. They stop where they are, they exchange glances... and suddenly the girl's forgotten. They come together in a hairy man ball of suddenly released repression and roll off the bed. The floor shakes as they fuck each other from wall to wall, every man ass filled with a cock or finger. It's beautiful, liberating, uninhibited.
Meantime the girl climbs off the bed, gets dressed and out of the room, and goes to the police, who arrest the three men as they lay sleeping in each others arms, semen dribbling out the corner of their mouths.
The tragedy is, the rape case gets thrown out because, I don't know, she spoke to them or something. The players don't get disciplined by the club, in fact they continue earning more in a week than a nurse does in a year. They deny being gay, or even knowing what that means, and the world goes on as it always has.
******
Hey, I'm quite pleased with that. Coming soon, those gospel poem/song things I promised, and something on George Dubya. See you soon
Man, soccer players, what a dark subject. Well, sports people in general, these freakish physically overdeveloped simpletons with more money, attention and credibility than anyone deserves. You could be Jesus and you wouldn't deserve the column inches David Beckham gets. The only idiot to get more attention than even sports people do is George Bush, and he's offering the world out for a fight,
"C'mon you fuckers, laugh at me wouldya, I got God on my side."
Wouldn't it be scary if he was right? If there was a god, and it was on Dubya's side.
"That's right, I'm with stupid. Don't you mock my messenger, ever hear of the holy fool? That's him. Fuck with me and I'll get democratic on your ass."
Some macho Republican god, maybe looking like Jeb Bush. I'd be on the first space shuttle out,
"This ain't right."
Anyway like I say, sports people, soccer players given this inordinate amount of respect, there's something wrong there. Treated as role-models? when did we start taking morons as our benchmark for living? They're imbeciles, they've got the morals of a dog, you might as well take a pigeon for your role-model.
"Hey, I'm gonna fuck and shit right on the pavement... the pigeon said we can."
Wait a minute, that already happens on the weekend. But you know, even worse than that, they get away with all kinds of criminal behaviour. There's the stuff we all do at some time - drunk and disorderly, drug use. Then there's the real nasty stuff only psychos and perverts do, like raping teens.
So there's these three footballers, and they're in a hotel room somewhere, out of their skulls on drink and drugs roasting a drunk teen. And it is rape, she might have said yes, but in those circumstances?...
Now I'm nearly six foot, I look after myself, I'm pretty strong, but I'm not a professional athlete. If I had three aggressive sports people outta their skulls on coke and testosterone in my bed I think I'd be like,
"Sure, what hole do you want to put it in? ... That's going to hurt... but sure, whatever you want. Mm, tastes good."
So anyway, they're banging away. One at each end, the third knelt by the side jacking off and filming it with his mobile phone. They're mid stroke, when suddenly one of them realises he's getting off as much on watching the cocks slam in and out as he is off the girl. And by some power of telepathy the thought transmits to his companions. They stop where they are, they exchange glances... and suddenly the girl's forgotten. They come together in a hairy man ball of suddenly released repression and roll off the bed. The floor shakes as they fuck each other from wall to wall, every man ass filled with a cock or finger. It's beautiful, liberating, uninhibited.
Meantime the girl climbs off the bed, gets dressed and out of the room, and goes to the police, who arrest the three men as they lay sleeping in each others arms, semen dribbling out the corner of their mouths.
The tragedy is, the rape case gets thrown out because, I don't know, she spoke to them or something. The players don't get disciplined by the club, in fact they continue earning more in a week than a nurse does in a year. They deny being gay, or even knowing what that means, and the world goes on as it always has.
******
Hey, I'm quite pleased with that. Coming soon, those gospel poem/song things I promised, and something on George Dubya. See you soon
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